For a long time, alcohol addiction was considered a problem that affects only the alcoholic. The alcoholic was perceived as a bad person without ambition that can be cured only if separated from their family and with the help of other alcoholics.

Nowadays, alcohol addiction is considered a family problem (with a major impact on the entire family, not only on the alcoholic) where each member of the family plays a singificant role in the disease onset and evolution.

A person in need and an enabler find each other because they fulfill each other's needs. The enabler needs to protect and care for those in need, while the sick person needs to be protected and cared for.

the first time in alcohol addiction treatment jurnals at the begining of the 70's. Initially, the term reffered to the wives of the alcoholics, and only recently was used to define a dysfunctional style to relate with others.

Initially, codependency symptoms were considered a reaction to a stressful life next to an alcoholic, and the excessive fear, shame, and pain experienced by the family were considered a response to the alcoholic's behaviour.

However, researchers have noticed that the codependent behavior continued to be present among family members even when the alcoholic becomes sober.

Alcohol addiction specialists have realised that the codependent behavior is a distinctinve disease that affects the family, and the hidden causes of this dysfunctional behavior aggravates the drinking habit of the alcoholic.

Today, alcohol addiction counselor use the codependency term to help family membres understand the reactions and the behaviors they develop living with an alcoholic.

An enabler can be described as a special, polite, and altruist person, concerned with others' well being, and willing to help and care for others. Their desire and efforts to care for those in need are triggered by good intentions, but usually become compulsive and harmful to themselves and others. The enabler can be trapped into an vicious circle of insatisfactions. In most cases, the enablers take the role of a martyr and tries to rescue those in need.

Due to the repeated attempts of an enabler to save those in need, those that receive the care develop a destructive behavior (they become dependent on their enabler rescue actions). An enabler grows to enjoy their rescuer role, and the more they help the more they feel satisfied.

The codependent behavior is caused by the enabler's attempts to control the feelings, thoughts and actions of other people.

An enabler often feels that they are the center of their family universe and they feel responsible for others' happiness or unhappiness. An enabler organizes their life trying to receive validation from those around them. Often, enablers cannot break away from a dysfunctional relationship.

Examples of co-dependent behavior:

» They takes over the alcoholic's responsibilities.
» They justify the alcoholic's behavior to their family, relatives, friends, co-workers, or superiors.
» They take over difficult activites that should be done by the alcoholic.
» They take control over the alcoholic's life by stopping them from participating to different social events (where the alcoholic can drink), by tracing chores that mean to keep the alcoholic away from the alcohol source, by diging after hidden bottles of alcohol and throwing them away, and by demostrating with serious arguments the alcoholic's lies.
» They are not sincere with the alcoholic, other persons, or themselfs about the reality they live in and the feelings they have.
» They try to be perfect in everything they do, think, and believe, because they need to feel appreciated and admirated.

The codependent behaviour has its own progressive evolution influenced by the addiction's evolution.

The first phase of the codependent behavior is a protective attitude triggered by the occasionally drinking of their alcoholic partner. The codependent tries to excuse their partner's behavior using a vast amount of plausible reasons.

When the partner's drinking become abusive, the codependent needs to find a responsible person for this situations. Unfortunately, in this situation the enabler becomes the target of all the reproaches, acusations, and blame which make them feel resposible for their partner's drinking problem. The codependent starts to doubt their quality as a human being, spouse, or parent. When the situation puts to much strain on their self-esteem, they will struggle to prove to others and themselves that are perfect by trying to make everybody happy, taking over lot of responsibilities, and solving difficult situations. The codependent is motivated by the believe that only being perfect in everything they do, they will determine their partner to stop drinking.

Unfortunately, their efforts are not followed by the desired reaction, and instead, their partner starts drinking even more. This leads to a new type of codependent behaviour: the controller. This is a normal reaction triggered by the need to keep a chaotic situation under control, to reduce the tension, and to restore a secure environment. The codependent controls every aspect of the alcoholic's life and tries to organise their life in order to keep them away from purchasing alcohol.

In time, the codependent's self-esteem decreases and they enter a new phase: the accuser. The codependent perceives their alcholic partner as the only cause of their problems, and projects towards them deep feelings of anger, rage, and fear.

Progressively, the codependent completely loses their self-esteem and they isolate from society (this is a protection mechanism). They perceive themselve as victims, feel sorry for themselves, and lose the desire to help and care for others. They break away from their families, friends, relatives, and they isolate themselves in a world full of grief.

The progressive evolution of the codependent behaviour ends in the last phase, the enabler. The desperated attempts of the codependent to manipulate and contol their partner's life actually reinforce their dysfunctional behaviors and prevent them from facing the consequences of being an acoholic.

Codependents need help to recover from their disfuncional lifestyle in order to re-establish a normal couple and family life, especially when the alcoholic is treated for thier addiction.

The codependent's recovery is possible only when the codependent is facing and accepting the pain caused by the past and present, and by adopting a new, healthier lifestyle. However, the recovery takes times because the codependent behaviour (itself) had developed in time. Sometimes, recovery spans over the entire life. Codependets can receive professional help from specialists with expertise in this type of problems to identify those factors that triggered the codependent behaviour, and to implement effective coping strategies that prevent future relapses in the old habits.